In the old days, tracking someone would involve spy equipment, perhaps tucked into a teddy bear or stuck on the bottom of the car. It was also, obviously, heavily frowned upon. Nowadays, it’s not only normalised, but often joked about.

On TikTok and X, people will refer to tracking their friends as their “personal Sims,” referring to the game where you had full control over humanoid characters. They’ll mention catching their bestie at their ex-boyfriend's house or seeing where they travel on a night out. The difference is not only how easy it is to track someone, through apps like Find My Friends, but also the consent of the matter. Someone has shared their location, so it’s okay. It’s okay to check in whenever you like or try to catch them out in a lie… right? Right?

I’m not so sure, and so I want to discuss the ethics of Find My Friends and tracking your loved ones. Are we keeping each other safe or crossing one of the many invisible boundaries of the digital age?

Why do people use Find My Friends?

Most of the people I know who share their location are women, either with their partners or friends. The why of the matter is rather obvious: safety. Whether you’re female, male, non-binary, or undefined, there are likely moments when you don’t feel safe. Many of us feel this more than others, walking home at night or going on dates with people we’ve only just met IRL.

Sharing your location ensures that someone knows where you are if the worst happens. If you were to stop responding, they could check where you were last seen. In the worst case, that information could be passed on to the police. Sorry, it’s all a bit dark, but I feel it’s necessary to acknowledge the benefit of tracking your loved ones, and the main benefit is that sense of safety.

When we share our location with people, it’s usually for such situations or the possibility of them. Alternatively, sharing your location can make it easier to find someone when you’re meeting up or if you get separated, such as at a park or concert—we’ve all been there!

What’s wrong with sharing your location?

In no way am I going to argue against sharing your location for safety reasons. I’m a young woman who has felt unsafe in situations, and reassured that someone knows where I am. The rates of violence against women, queer people, marginalised groups, and all the rest are shocking. I don’t want you to think I’m against this purpose in any way or form, whatever keeps people safe and whatever makes you feel safe, as these are both separate but important things.

My issue lies in how locations are initially shared for that purpose, but not used solely for that purpose. I’m talking about how people treat it like their “personal Sims” and check whenever they like.

I’ve had a friend tell me how someone cancelled plans with them, claiming to be stuck in traffic, only to check their location and find they were at their boyfriend’s apartment. I’ve had someone else casually check in on where their partner is, because they like seeing the different locations—oh Taco Bell again?

These are seemingly harmless, but both examples stuck with me. While these people aren’t intending to do anything wrong, they’re violating someone’s privacy. To me, this is the same as checking someone’s messages because you have their passcode. While many might find that a bigger leap, think about it: they granted you entrance, and you’re using it for a different method. What’s the real difference?

Locations should be used for the reason they were intended, whether that’s safety or trying to find each other through a throng of dedicated Swifties. Looking at it casually, for sport, or to check someone’s alibi is a violation of their privacy.

What do you need to consider before sharing your location?

Once you share their location, the person has it. Even if you forget about it, it’s still sharing. Some I knew broke up with their partner and later got angry messages when they were with someone new, as the ex still had access to their location.

Even if it’s not a romantic partner, they can check it at any point, with or without additional permission from you. If you’re comfortable with this, then that’s great. If this makes you feel a little icky, like it does me, then you might want to reconsider.

Personally, I share my location temporarily on WhatsApp instead of always having it on. This is not as safe, that’s true, and maybe it’ll be a fatal regret. But I just don’t want my location always shared with people, I don’t want to feel watched. I don’t want someone to know I’m at McDonalds despite claiming to be eating healthy or that I called off plans, but I’m out for a walk in the park. That’s simply put, my business.

If I am walking home alone or in an Uber and I don’t feel great about it, I share my location with a friend on WhatsApp. If I’m meeting up with someone from a dating app, I inform a friend or two, and I make sure to tell them when I get home. They often check in just to be sure all is going well. If I go to another person’s home after a good date, I’ll send their address over and a screenshot of their profile. I don’t feel the need to share the location actively, personally.

I’m not saying my way is better or that it’s what works for everyone, I’m just saying that you need to think before casually sharing your location with someone else. Consider discussing boundaries beforehand and specifying when they can check it. If they react poorly to that, it might be a sign not to share your location. This isn’t a decision to make lightly, it’s one that needs to be communicated clearly. If they go on to make a joke about where you were, consider removing access or discussing how this made you feel.

People aren’t your “personal Sims” to follow around, and location sharing is a privilege not to take lightly. If you wouldn’t read their messages, don’t check their location without permission or need. It’s way too 1984, and I’d rather not live in that novel just yet.