We’ve passed a pandemic only to find ourselves in an epidemic: the epidemic of loneliness. The rates of loneliness are higher than ever, and show no inclination of going back down. In 2023, 27% of adults in Great Britain reported feeling lonely often, always, or some of the time. We are more connected than ever with smartphones, social media, and messaging apps, and yet we feel lonelier than ever. I’m not going to go into the effect of social media on loneliness, as I frankly don’t see the point, it’s here, it’s not going anywhere.

Instead, I want to talk about fifteen manageable ways to fight loneliness. These are not just ways to make new friends, as loneliness isn’t always about the number of friends you have. People with brimming address books and a dozen unread messages can be lonely. Loneliness is about so much more than the quantity of friends, and so we need to treat it in different ways.

First things first, I am a person who gets lonely. I spend a lot of my time alone, as I’m travelling alone, I’m a freelance writer, and I’m an introvert. Most of the time, I relish this time alone, and I see it as very different from being lonely. But other times, I feel like something is wrong with me, like I’m missing something, like I need to find more connections in my life.

I enjoy being alone and I can get lonely, both things can be true. Thanks to my lifestyle, I have a lot of experience in tackling the purple monster of loneliness, and I will share those wisdoms with you today.

1. Consider who your ‘Move the Body’ friends are

First item on the list, and I’m already talking about murder—just kidding, I’m obviously talking about dealing with the dead body afterward. Okay, but seriously, let’s discuss ‘Move the Body’ friends. A term often attributed to social guru Brene Brown, your ‘Move the Body’ friends are the people you’d call to help you… well, move a body. But more than that, they’re your ride-or-die friends, the Thelmas (yes, plural) to your Louise. They’d pick up the phone in the middle of the night if you called, they’d drop everything if you were hospitalised, and they’d definitely jokingly remind you of that time you peed your pants in high school—hypothetically.

When we feel lonely, it can revolve around our number of friends. I look around at people celebrating their engagement with a party of over fifty people or rounding up ten besties for a girl’s trip, and I know I’d struggle to get three people to play Catan with me. Considering your ‘Move the Body’ friends is that perfect reminder that it truly is quality over quantity.

So sit down and write a list of the people who would help you move a body, or at the least, accompany you to the funeral of someone you definitely didn’t kill. This can help you recognise your inner circle and feel reassured that you’re not doing this life thing all alone.

2. Find your preferred communication method

With those ‘Move the Body’ friends, it can be a matter of finding your preferred communication method with them. Some people feel lonely if they only receive WhatsApp messages, while others feel delighted to be forwarded a TikTok that reminds someone of them.

You need to work out the communication method that quenches your social needs. For many, it is calling, either with or without video. Personally, I can find calling to be difficult to plan and a little overwhelming if I’m struggling with my mental health. I love a lengthy voice note. A friend and I are constantly sending each other five to ten-minute voice notes updating on our lives. It can be small things (I spilt my iced coffee this morning) or big things (I’m trapped in existential dread about the purpose of my life). I love listening to these voice notes as I go for long walks, and it feels like my personal little podcast.

Learn what form of communication fills your social tank, and express this to your friends. It may be that you use a different form with different friends. Here’s a list of great communication apps that can help with that—see, technology isn’t all bad!

3. Low-energy hangouts

This is a trend TikTok picked up on recently, but I’ve been rotting with friends for years. Often when we plan social meetings nowadays, it’s quite a big task like going for dinner or another meal, going to a concert or other activity. Not only can this be taxing on the bank account, but it’s a lot of energy to give, energy we might not readily have after a long work day or week of childcare. But then we do feel lonely at home sometimes.

So introduce low-energy hangouts that provide you with some social attention while not draining your energy and funds. You can have a movie night together, do creative things at home like paint-by-numbers or crochet, or cook a hands-on meal together like sushi or homemade gnocchi.

Alternatively, if it’s a matter of lacking time (basically, I feel lonely, but I don’t know where to fit friends in), meet up to do errands together. Get groceries together, do your shopping, get your nails done. Then it’s truly a case of killing two birds with one stone—sorry, PETA!

For long-distance friends, do your call (or my voice note method) while you’re doing another task. It should be low-effort to ensure you’re still focused on the other person, like walking the dog, tidying the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, or folding laundry. This allows you to squeeze in some social time without getting behind on your to-do list.

4. Try a friendship app

One of the reasons dating apps are so attractive over IRL dating is that you know the person is not only single but looking for something. In contrast, approaching a stranger in a bar carries more potential for rejection. The same goes for looking for a friend, as some people simply don’t have the space or interest in a new friend. That’s okay, that’s not a reflection of you! Imagine it’s like hitting on someone who turns out not to be single. But people on friendship apps are definitely looking for new platonic connections.

Friendship apps can seem kinda lame, I get it, but ten years ago, we thought the same about dating apps. It used to be embarrassing to have met your partner through online dating, and now it’s no biggie. Friends through apps will be the new norm, I predict.

Just give it a go and meet up with someone. You’re both looking for friends, and you both have potential acquaintances to share as well, so what’s the harm? If nothing else, you meet someone to have coffee with once every few weeks or do a specific interest with.

Examples include Bumble BFF, which works like the dating version but for friends. Or TimeLeft allows you to book a dinner with strangers who share similar interests.

5. Plan ahead

Being lonely isn’t always a case of not having friends but rather not seeing them enough. Planning to meet up with people can feel like a Rubik's cube, as we all have different schedules, commitments, and lifestyles. This can be frustrating and make you give up on the whole thing.

But the truth is if you want to see people and you’re the one feeling lonely, then you need to make that effort. Plan ahead. Work out when they’re free, even if it is three weeks away, and put it in both your calendars. If you see events a month away, send it to them and lock it in your schedules.

This also touches upon a point not many of us want to acknowledge. Sometimes it can feel like you’re the one putting more into a friendship and consistently trying to instigate plans. We’re told this shouldn’t be the case, so we stop. But if you’re the one feeling lonely, you’re the one who should make more effort to change that. It’s okay if one person is less proactive than the other if it seems to work for you both. If it doesn’t work, only then try to change it.

6. Become a ‘fangirl’

I became a ‘fangirl’ during the pandemic. Yes, I’m aware I’m using a feminine term for this, but apply it to any gender or non-binary, as you please! I like to use this term in a positive light, as so often it’s been used against women as an insult.

Anyway, I became a ‘fangirl’ during the pandemic, when many of us felt so lonely. As a child and teenager, I had been very passionate about things, but I tried to teach myself out of this trait, as it was looked down upon once I reached university. During this difficult and lonely time, I leaned back into my passionate, often obsessive, nature, and I became a ‘fangirl’ once more.

It started with the Percy Jackson book series, written for middle graders but devoured by me in my twenties. Then I embraced my love of Taylor Swift, to the extent I will happily, unabashedly call myself a Swiftie. From this point on, I allowed myself to love things without shame or embarrassment. I found these obsessions to be a great point of connection with friends, giving us endless things to talk about. One of my friends will always message me when she sees news about Taylor Swift. Another will always read the same books as me so we can dissect them at length.

Being a ‘fangirl’ also gave me access to this online community who share my passions. Seeing fan theories about book series, watching people celebrate the best songs of my favourite artist, or diving into recommendations, all make me feel a little less alone in this big world. It’s corny, but also the act of just loving something intensely heals a part of me.

7. Start conversations with strangers

Let me be honest: I’m an anxious introvert who struggles to order in restaurants. So please know, when I suggest this, it isn’t from a place of finding this an easy task myself. But despite its difficulty, I do believe that this is a great skill to develop, and I’m in the process of working on it myself.

Those small snatched moments of conversation can really add up in our brains. It might seem like nothing to exchange pleasantries or a few sentences, but it provides a moment of connection that goes a long way for our loneliness.

My recent conversations with strangers have included:

• I asked my nail technician whether it’s been busy lately, and their busiest time of year. I also complimented the woman next to me on her choice of nail polish, and we discussed that shade of red.
• I asked my barista which of the two drinks they would personally recommend.
• I admired a dog in the park and asked the owner about the breed and what the temperament is like (life hack: people LOVE to discuss their dogs!)

It can feel like people will get weirded out by this, but they really don’t, as long as you never get too personal. Often, people are keen to chat with you. I used to always wish I had the guts to compliment a stranger on their coat or tote bag, and chicken out at the last minute. Now, I try to snatch these brief moments of connection.

8. Be around people

You’re rolling your eyes at me, but I don’t mean to go hang out with people. If it were that simple, there would be no point in this entire article. So I spend most of my time alone, it’s a simple fact. I’m travelling alone, I’m an introvert, and I have a very solitary job. But despite all of this, I don’t always feel lonely, and if I do, I know a simple trick to help.

When loneliness settles in, I’ll go somewhere busy with a lot of people. Rather than making me feel more alone, it has the opposite effect. Just being around people can be enough to soothe that ache within me. Working in a bustling cafe for a few hours makes me feel like I spent time with people. Having dinner in a restaurant makes me feel ready to go be alone again for a few hours.

Reduce your loneliness by just going where the people are. Yes, you can work from home, and yes, it’s far cheaper than paying for expensive, delicious lattes. But it’ll help your feelings of loneliness just to go to the cafe, pay for the drink, and be around people.

9. Create noise in your home

Before you start clanging pots and pans and pissing off your neighbours, hear me out. I find that a silent home can be quite disconcerting and make me feel isolated out of nowhere. Even just playing some music can be enough to settle how I’m feeling.

Evolutionarily speaking, I don’t think we’re used to silence. While many tired parents are probably rolling their eyes at me and saying they’d LOVE some silence, the rest of us can feel truly alone in it. But it’s just as simple to trick your brain into thinking you’re not alone, and not in the scary paranoid way.

Having some noise around your home can help you to feel less alone. That could be music or even ambient cafe sounds — YouTube is great for this, I always use these soundtracks as background music when I’m working. Alternatively you could look at getting a white noise machine with lake sounds or waves crashing, if something natural is more your style. A lot of elderly people achieve this by always having the radio on in the background.

10. Start something new

There are a few things that brew a new friendship, like proximity (same job, same neighbourhood, etc.), mutual connections (friend of a friend), or shared interests. We’re going to hone in on the latter, those shared interests. If you’re looking to add more friends to your social circle, then go find ones that would be a great fit.

If you hate going clubbing, the friends you make on a night out likely won’t be the right fit. But if you love running, people you meet at a run club will already have a shared interest and the perfect opening conversation. They’ll likely have a lifestyle similar to yours and other complementary interests. If you have a dog, go to a specific dog park or popular dog-friendly cafe, where you can meet fellow owners and start chatting. Join a sports league (they’re more about the social aspect than sports, trust me) or a creative class.

Specific tip: join a book club! It’s such a fun way to combine reading and socialising and makes the task of talking to other people less daunting. You can also do an online book club if that works better for your schedule.

But trying something new isn’t just about the friends you might meet, as I don’t want you to see it as a failure if that doesn’t happen. A new hobby, sport, or class also fills a slot in your schedule. It makes you feel that little bit more fulfilled and gives you a new sense of purpose. You’ll get to tick off number eight on this list and be around people more often.

11. Do things on your own

The first time I went to the cinema alone, I felt like everyone was staring at me and thinking that I had no friends. I panic messaged a friend, and she asked what I would think if I saw someone else alone at the cinema, and whether I’d judge them. I admitted that I wouldn’t, I’d actually feel jealous that they felt comfortable doing that—boom.

I go to the cinema alone without any hesitation now, and I immediately hush that voice in my head that says people think I have no one to hang out with on a Saturday night. I also go to comedy shows, restaurants, cafes, and theatre productions alone. It isn’t always easy, but it is so worth it. I don’t want to miss things because I don’t have someone to go with. I want to fall in love with my own company. Next challenge: going to a concert alone.

It isn’t easy the first time, but each time you do something alone, it gets a little easier. Like a muscle you’re building up. And I promise, no one cares. No one is judging you. You’re not that special, and that’s a good thing.

12. Reconnect with old friends

Friendships don’t always end with a huge boom, in fact, they usually don’t. They’re not like romantic relationships that have a solid end; they often just fizzle out. Perhaps you’re no longer working together, one moves away, one has a busy period, or whatever else. So there’s no harm in reconnecting with an old friend. Slide into their DMs, as the youth like to say. If you feel awkward about it, find a ‘reason’ to be messaging, such as something that made you think of them. Or find an old photo of the two of you or something you did, and say, “Look what my phone just reminded me of! Remember this?”

I lost touch with most of my high school friends once I moved away, as I was going through a lot, and we were all in different places. Over five years later, I ended up spending more time in London, where many of them ended up. So, I reached out to a few different ones and asked to meet up for a coffee. Now, I see many of them regularly for dinner, dog walks, or brunch. There are no bad feelings about the time that passed; we’re just happy to be in the same spot in life now. These reconnected friends make up a large chunk of my current social circle.

13. Open up to someone

If your feelings of loneliness aren’t brief moments but a continued feeling, then something needs to change. It can feel embarrassing to be lonely, but it really shouldn’t be, we all feel lonely sometimes, some more than others. Choose someone in your life (one of those ‘Move the Body’ friends) and admit how you’ve been feeling. They might share their own experiences with loneliness, or they might recognise that you need more than they’ve been giving. Either way, two minds on the issue are better than one!

14. Find animals ASAP

As mentioned, I travel alone often, and people remark that it must be terribly lonely. But in all honesty, I don’t feel lonely whenever I’m dogsitting, as it’s a built-in furry companion. Rationally, I know the dog can’t respond to me or fulfil other social roles, but I just never feel alone. Often, I’ll even chat out loud to the dog—poor thing.

I’m not suggesting you have to go dogsitting or get a pet if your lifestyle doesn’t allow for it, but being around animals more is definitely possible. You could volunteer at a nearby shelter, sign up for dog walking, or borrow your friend’s pet. I recently went on a two-night digital detox where I switched off my phone, and I borrowed my sister’s dog, so I had some company throughout. She got a weekend off from dogwalking, and I got a furry little friend. It was a total win-win situation—except for the dog who was stuck with me.

15. Normalise loneliness

I’ve been practical throughout this whole thing, so now I get to be a little sentimental instead. Loneliness feels like this big embarrassing thing when it really doesn’t have to be. Loneliness is a hunger of a different form. It’s like being thirsty or tired, you have a need to be filled. We all have those moments. There is nothing inherently wrong with loneliness, and it's not always something to be fixed. We’re the ones to associate negativity with loneliness, thanks to society’s messed-up ideals.

Grow comfortable with your loneliness, nurture your time alone, and it’ll stop affecting you so negatively. While loneliness can be a sign to go meet someone or call a friend, it can also be doubts to be reassured, insecurities to be soothed, and nothing more. Like when you think you’re hungry but you’re just dehydrated.

Normalise loneliness, recognise it within yourself, discuss it with other people, and don’t let it become your scarlet letter.